How to Teach Kids to Think Forward and Why It’s a Smart Thing To Do.
This simple but powerful tool sets kids up for success, yet few people use it.
Short on time! Here’s a 30-second video of the main points. Please note that it’s not my voice.
Now, here’s the full article. It’s where the real learning starts.
The wisest people I know have one thing in common.
They all think forward, considering the secondary consequences of their decisions.
If they want to change jobs, they don’t just assess the immediate consequences—a change in wages, a different location, or travel times.
They consider the follow-on consequences of a job change, including the impact on their partner’s work, a possible reduction in leisure time, and how it affects family life.
In an era when decision-making is a mere click of a mouse away, the ability to pause and consider the secondary consequences is essential.
A remarkable tool for kids.
Thinking forward is a great life skill for kids, especially heuristic learners (usually boys) who learn from experience.
It’s a skill that slices through impulsivity, shallow thinking and peer pressure, setting them up for lifetime success.
Best of all, it can be taught.
Here’s how:
1. Encourage kids to delay gratification.
Discourage instant gratification.
Most poorly thought-through decisions can be attributed to the immediate satisfaction of a want. “I want it, and I want it now” discourages forward thinking.
Avoid giving kids what they want immediately.
Encourage them to be patient.
“I know you’re hungry, but dinner is soon, so don’t fill up on snacks,” the message encourages kids to delay gratification and tolerate discomfort.
Develop the habit of delaying instant gratification, and watch your kids thrive.
2. Ask thoughtful questions.
Ask questions that make kids think.
“So, what would happen if you were school captain?”
“Is there anything you’d dislike about it?”
“How would your friends react?”
“Will you still have time for sport and other things you like to do at lunchtime?”
This is not about prying or dampening things but encouraging your child to think beyond their immediate emotional reactions.
Thinking forward is rational, not emotional.
3. If the answer isn’t Yes, it’s No.
I love this phrase: “If the answer isn’t Yes, it’s No.”
The only answer is NO if I can’t immediately say YES to a request.
This approach encourages me to use my gut instinct, or felt sense, which is a mighty guide.
Teach this mantra to your kids and encourage them to follow their gut instincts.
That’s because your gut instinct considers the secondary consequences of a decision. It’s a clever beast, that we don’t use enough.
“I’m not sure why, but something tells me not to do it” is the thinking that comes from listening to your instincts.
4. Think out loud.
Let kids hear you think things through.
“I’m not sure whether to renovate the bathroom this year or wait until next year. If we do it this year, we won’t go on holiday. But I know your mum will stay more often if we do, as the bathroom was a bugbear for her.”
This conscious modelling shows kids the thinking processes behind complex decisions.
Wise parents give kids tools, processes and systems that stay for life.
5. Play chess and other strategy games.
My adult son plays chess weekly with his eleven-year-old daughter, which is an excellent relationship-building activity and an exercise in strategic thinking.
I’ve played with my granddaughter, and she’s good! She thinks three moves ahead, which is way past my limit.
Learning chess doesn’t guarantee she’ll make wise, risk-free decisions as a teenager. There are way too many variables involved.
But it does mean that she has a propensity for strategic thinking, which, over time, will become a hard-to-break pattern of behaviour.
Chess and other strategy games encourage kids to evaluate the secondary consequences of decisions.
Finally…..
Slowing down their impulses and thinking forward is a brilliant skill that will set your kids up for success in any area of life.
Help kids learn to think forward by:
1. Encourage kids to delay gratification.
2. Ask thoughtful questions.
3. If the answer isn’t yes, it’s no
4. Think out loud.
5. Play chess and other strategy games.
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Parenting Toolbox Words of Wisdom
“You can still be a loving parent and expect your child to make their bed every day.”
Michael Grose