How To Bring Out The Leader In Your Child: An Expert Guide.
Discover The Secrets To Nurturing Genuine Leadership In Kids.
Leaders are needed in every area of life, including families, schools, workplaces, and communities.
So every child is a leader in waiting.
Leadership will inevitably be thrust upon children in adulthood, so it's best they’re prepared to seize the opportunity when it arises.
Parents play a vital part in unlocking their child’s leadership potential.
I write this not to add to your already heavy mental load, but to help you reframe how you view parenting.
Successful parenting is essentially leadership training. Yep, you’re bringing up the next generation of leaders.
But nurturing the leader in your child is easier than you think.
These seven strategies will put you on the right track to developing your child’s natural leadership abilities.
1. Develop a leadership mindset in your kids
As an adult, you’ve probably experienced the power of mindset.
For example, if you develop a fitness mindset—that is, think like a fit person thinks—physical activity will quickly become second nature.
You will take the stairs instead of the lift because that is what a physically fit person does. You will walk briskly rather than meander.
You’ll eat healthily, as a good diet and physical fitness go hand in hand. Physical fitness soon becomes an integral part of your identity, so physical activity and healthy eating become ingrained patterns rather than mere habits.
Encourage kids to think like leaders by introducing the language of leadership into family-life. Use simple, two-word terms related to leadership characteristics such as teamwork (“Work together”), presentation skills (“Speak out”), emotional intelligence (“Tune in”) and Responsibility (“Be accountable”).
Then, focus on broader aspects of leadership such as delegation, problem-solving and integrity by using phrases such as:
“Share the jobs around.”
“This is a problem you can solve.”
“Do what’s right, not what’s easy.”
If you think your child is ready and old enough, challenge them to approach different situations with a leadership mindset. “How would a leader think and act in a game of sport?” “How would a leader think if they made a mistake?” “How would a leader treat a friend struggling at school?”
Leadership tip: Incorporate the language of leadership into your family’s proprietary language.
2. Develop agency
My daughter organised her six-month student exchange to Denmark at the age of fifteen.
My wife and I insisted she organise the trip (with some assistance from us when required) as we needed to know that she had sufficient agency or capability to get by on the other side of the world for such a long time without her parents. (We live in Australia.)
She sure did!
It was a memorable, life-shaping experience.
But her sense of agency just didn’t miraculously happen. She didn’t suddenly grow up. Building agency was a fifteeen year process.
From a young age, she was given considerable autonomy and control over her life. As a prep student, she prepared her breakfast most days. At the end of primary school, she would cook an evening meal once a week, and she would make her lunch each day when she started secondary school.
Her siblings followed suit.
When you develop kids’ agency, you not only develop their independence but also the core competencies of leadership, including problem-solving, resourcefulness, confidence, and resilience.
Leadership strategy: When kids can, let them do.
3. Give them real responsibility
Here’s a question some parents find uncomfortable answering:
“What does your child do that someone else relies on?”
Hopefully, your child helps around the house without payment so they learn to contribute to the family’s wellbeing.
And hopefully, those jobs provide real value – e.g., the rubbish is taken out, the dishwasher is loaded, pets are fed – so that kids learn that their contribution is a vital part of family life.
And they’re not rescued if they forget or neglect to do their chores. For instance, an evening meal isn’t placed on the table until the knives and forks are laid out. Now whose job is that?
Authentic leadership is about accountability, which starts at home.
Leadership strategy: Place chores on a roster, which shifts responsibility to children.
4. Make the most of mealtimes
Regular family mealtimes provide a great chance to foster leadership qualities like sharing, teamwork, and communication skills.
Food and conversation are shared, and everyone has a stake in the meal process, whether it’s cooking, fetching ingredients from the pantry, setting the table, or clearing away dishes.
Okay, not every child will participate willingly.
At times, there may be arguments, but to the best of your ability, focus on making mealtimes memorable rather than simple refuelling exercises.
Leadership tip: Ask your kids, “Who did you help at school today?”
5. Encourage your child to volunteer.
Leadership is about contribution and serving others. It’s not about power, being in charge of the team or being the boss of others.
Help children understand that a leader's job is to serve, not to take. Help them develop a ‘benefit’ mindset, where they think ‘we’ not ‘me’.
Encouraging children to volunteer their time and effort to assist others is one of the best ways to help them develop a ‘benefit' mindset.
In my student leadership work in primary schools, it’s evident that those students who’ve volunteered their time to help others (by putting out the bins for an elderly neighbour, helping through Scouting, or helping pick up rubbish on Clean Up the Community Days) have huge head starts in the leadership stakes.
Leadership tip: Be a volunteer and model your contribution to your child.
6. Stand back to let the leader emerge.
As a child, did you ever set up a stall to sell lemonade, biscuits or something else?
If so, you showed genuine initiative by getting off your backside and trying to make a dollar or two.
Sometimes, as parents, we need to stand back and allow kids to use their initiative rather than parent down and worry about the risks.
Leadership for kids (just as it is for adults) takes many forms.
It can be shown through entrepreneurship, sports, outdoor activities, the classroom, or membership in the school Student Representative Council.
We should recognise leadership when we see it and allow kids the opportunity to test themselves and build their capacities, confidence and competencies.
Leadership tip: Ask your child if there’s a family or community project they’d like to work on. If so, work with them to make it happen.
7. Help your child discover the environment where their leadership thrives.
When I was teaching, it never ceased to amaze me how the most unlikely students would step up as leaders on a school camp.
The quiet, reserved student at school would so often blossom at camp.
That’s because the camp environment would bring out the leader in these kids.
The same phenomenon occurs on the sporting field.
Children who hold back in the classroom often become influential leaders in sports because they are in an environment that suits their strengths and personalities.
Sometimes, all it takes for a child to become a genuine leader is to find the environment or activity that best suits them.
As a parent, try to provide your child with experiences in a variety of environments to help them find their true leadership north.
Leadership tip: Work with your child to identify the types of activities and environments where they’re most likely to shine
Finally……
You may think leadership is okay for some kids, but it’s not for every child.
What about neuro-diverse kids or those with extra needs? Can they be leaders, too?
Hopefully, no one asked that question of Steven Hawking, Stevie Wonder or Helen Keller as kids!
They were each world leaders in their various fields.
Every child has leadership potential.
It takes a loving, patient adult to bring it out.
Do you know someone who would benefit from reading about developing leadership in their family? It’s easy to share.
The Secret to Raising Children with Strong Agency: An Expert Guide for Parents (and Teachers)
A key ingredient in your child’s journey to confidence and independence is developing high agency – the ability to take initiative, make choices, and act on them. High agency enables children to navigate challenges, pursue their goals, and shape their own lives. Find out more.
Parenting Toolbox Wise Words
“A skilled carpenter needs more than just a hammer to complete the job. They carry a toolbox full of different tools to handle any situation. Tools and skills distinguish the tradesman and artisan from a DIYer. Parenting is no different. The more tools you have in your parenting toolbox, the better prepared you are to handle any situation.”
Michael Grose