The One Parenting Rule You Should Never Break (except when you’ve really put your foot in it)
This bedrock of reliable parenting builds agency, character and trust.
Rules are meant to be broken.
Especially by parents.
Stick to routines.
Yes, but there are times when it’s good to shake things up for a day or two. School holidays, long weekends and busy periods call for a break from the daily routine.
Be consistent with boundaries.
Yes, but developmental transition stages (e.g. child to teen) often require some give-and-take with the limits we set.
Expect kids to do chores.
You bet, but there are times, such as when a child’s life is super stressful, when a temporary reprieve from chores is a much-appreciated circuit-breaker.
Kids aren’t robots, and neither are you.
There are times when your usual way of doing things goes out the window.
But there is one rule that’s not for breaking. Do as you say you will.
What Does It Mean to “Do As You Say You Will”?
Do as you say you will is the bedrock of firm, kind, reliable parenting.
It is the bridge between your words and your actions.
Whether you offer a reward for a job well done or establish a logical consequence for misbehaviour—you must see it to completion.
It is not about being rigid or harsh; it is about being predictable.
When you say something, it must be true.
Doing as you say you will is not only about credibility; it’s the basis of the most important element in any relationship - trust.
The Heat of the Moment Caveat
There’s one exception.
Your child is pushing every button you have, and in a flash of frustration, you blurt out something ridiculous: “If you don’t behave right now, I’m cancelling Christmas for you this year!”
You don’t mean it. You can’t do it, and you know it.
If you force yourself to “do as you say you will” in response to an outlandish threat, you end up being cruel or irrational, which damages your relationship.
When you do slip up, own it immediately: “I said that because I was angry, and it wasn’t a fair thing to say. What I am actually going to do is [state a reasonable, enforceable consequence].”
This shows your child that you are human, but also that you are a person of integrity who corrects their own mistakes.
Why You Should Never Break It
When you fail to do as you say you will, you inadvertently teach your child that your words are negotiable.
If a child realises that a “no” today might turn into a “yes” tomorrow if they push hard enough, they lose their sense of security. It’s also an invitation for young bush lawyers to step up to the plate and start doing a deal with you.
“If I have to miss tomorrow’s game, then it’s only fair that I get to watch two games next week.”
No, it’s not!
When the rules of the house feel like a moving target, children have to constantly test the perimeters to find out where the true boundaries are.
Life then becomes even messier for parents.
It doesn’t foster agency (your ultimate goal); it fosters manipulation and uncertainty.
By failing to stick to your word, you are creating a power struggle where one shouldn’t exist.
Doing As You Say You Will Has Many Benefits.
When you commit to doing as you say you will, you provide your child with a stable map to follow.
Following through is essential for your child’s healthy development because it:
1. Builds Trust
Integrity is the foundation of every relationship.
When your child knows that you mean exactly what you say, they learn to trust your guidance.
They don’t have to wonder if they can “talk you out of it.”
2. Encourages Responsibility
Children who understand that actions have consistent, predictable consequences learn to take ownership of their choices.
They stop blaming others (including you) and start to understand cause and effect.
Importantly, they learn through experience (as most boys do) that actions have consequences.
3. Reduces Emotional Volatility (better known as meltdowns)
Knowing exactly what to expect calms a child’s nervous system.
When the rules are consistent, they don’t waste their energy testing you.
Instead, they can use their energy to learn, play, and develop their own character.
4. Models Integrity
We often underestimate the long-term impact of conscious modelling, which is one of my favourite parenting tools.
It’s how kids learn about character and values.
By modelling the idea that your word is a commitment, you teach your child an important lesson in personal accountability and reliability.
Finally
You can be flexible with your schedule, show grace with chores, and change your mind about the small stuff.
But your word is ironclad.
When you say it, mean it. When you mean it, do it.
That is the one rule that ensures your children feel safe enough to grow, confident enough to challenge themselves, and respected enough to eventually lead themselves.
Know someone who would benefit from reading this article?
It’s very easy to share.
Exciting Changes Coming to Our Schools Program
To our valued principals and teachers:
Thank you for your interest in sharing my content with your school communities. While opportunities for this year are currently at capacity, I am busy behind the scenes refining our program to make your experience even better.
What’s coming in 2027: I’m thrilled to be launching an enhanced platform that provides you with greater flexibility. You’ll have access to:
Ready-to-use formats: PDFs, Word documents, and accompanying images.
Seamless digital sharing: Continued support for your online newsletters.
This revamped program will be limited to ensure quality, so you’ll want to secure your spot early.
Be the First to Know
I’ll be officially launching the 2027 Schools Program later this year. If you’d like to be on the priority list, please message me with your contact details below, and I will ensure you receive updates as soon as they drop!