Ten Ways to Shift an Anxious Child's Mood
Practical anxiety management tools for your child's Mental Health Toolbox.
Hello Everyone,
I’ve received many enquiries lately about addressing kids’ fears and anxieties, so hopefully, this article will be helpful.
It’s about giving kids strong agency over their well-being.
Strong agency is the engine that drives kids’ sustained success and well-being. My recent masterclass newsletter provides more information about building strong agency.
In the meantime, enjoy this article and share if you know a parent who could benefit from reading this piece.
Twenty-first-century families need a big mental health toolbox to help their kids manage anxiety and other difficult emotions.
When life throws curveballs, some kids take things in their stride, while others go straight to anxiety, anger or fear.
But even easygoing kids need a variety of tools to shift their emotional states.
Feeling emotional extremes is part of life, but that doesn’t mean they must stay in those states. Kids don’t have to stay hostage to their moods. They can shift from a sour mood to a more pleasant and productive space with the right tools.
These ten practical tools help kids have agency over their emotions, allowing them to shift to more pleasant feelings when they feel low.
1. “Take a breath….take a few actually”
The simplest way for a child to feel better, whether it’s to calm their nerves before a talk or reduce anxiety before meeting new friends, is to take three or four deep breaths. Breathing grounds kids in the moment and is central to every child’s wellbeing toolbox.
Deep breathing triggers dopamine release, initiating the parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes physical calm and contentment.
2. “Picture yourself….”
Anyone who carries a picture of a loved one with them will know how powerful a visual reminder can be. Encourage your child to carry a picture of their favorite person, pet, or holiday to help them feel better when needed.
Pictures and photos have a deep emotional impact as the visual mode is powerful.
3. “Let me entertain you….”
Watching a movie, reading a book and playing a favourite game are great ways to move moods to more desirable places.
These distractions are great for kids’ mental health and super mood shifters as well.
Entertainment conquers the scourge of anxiety-inducing rumination by fast-tracking kids out of their heads and into the present moment.
4. “DO something….”
Boys are action-oriented, acting out their feelings more than girls. When they are happy, they dance and gig around; when they are mad, many become aggressive or more active.
Help boys use their preference for action to dissipate emotion or shift their moods to better places.
If they are angry, insist they play an active game or sport to get the energy out.
Lethargy, boredom and other passive emotional states too can be shifted through physical activity.
PLEASE NOTE: This movement strategy works well for action-oriented girls too.
5. “Listen to the music…”
Have you ever experienced that sudden change in background music from happy to suspenseful in a movie scene?
Music will shift an emotional state quicker than anything else, which makes it a brilliant mental health tool.
Encourage kids to change their moods by listening to music that will help them feel better, more relaxed, or even inspired.
Playing music and singing can have the same effect.
6. “They get by with a little help from their friends….”
It’s natural for kids to seek solitude when they feel down or have experienced unpleasant events. They need time to process these events internally.
Some kids prefer to visit their caves (aka bedrooms) to process their emotions, while others use a keyboard (formerly it was a diary) to help them work through difficult feelings and events.
At some point, they need to emerge and seek the company of others, whether for distraction or to share their worries.
Seeking the support of family and friends is a fabulous long-term mood changer and a valuable life skill.
7. “Think yourself to a different mood…”
I remember my mother saying to me as a child, “For goodness’ sake, stop moping about. Stop that ridiculous brooding!”
“Ouch!”
While her take-no-prisoners approach may not be everyone’s cup of tea, her message resonates with every parent.
My mother believed that if I could think myself into a negative mood, then I could also think my way to a better mood.
She was right.
Kids can cultivate positive thoughts by reminiscing about happy times, delightful places, and cheerful occasions.
Their thoughts impact their feelings, so they should use them to their advantage.
8. “Talk yourself into a better frame of mind…..”
Sustained positive self-talk is one of the best ways to move from a place of anxiety to a place of optimism and hope.
The trick is for kids to catch their negative self-talk and replace it with a mantra such as “I can do this. I’ve done it before, and I’ll do it again.”
Change your self-talk, change your moods!
The hard part is remembering to do it.
9. “Mind the meditation….”
It’s fabulous to see many schools now add mindfulness and meditation to their well-being programs.
(An aside: My granddaughter, who lives in Sweden, is adept at mindfulness and uses it regularly to calm herself down or put herself in a better mood. Mindfulness is part of everyday school life in Swedish schools.)
Mindfulness and meditation are terrific strategies to help kids relax and ease the tensions and stresses of life.
Both involve managing the mental clutter that can overwhelm individuals, impacting how they feel.
Mindfulness and meditation can easily be incorporated into everyday family life, and they don't have to be lengthy to be effective.
10. “Get a good night’s sleep…”
Parents of past generations told children and young people, “"Remember to get a good night's sleep, and things will be better in the morning.”
There’s loads of evidence that links sufficient sleep to good emotional and mental health outcomes.
With the high number of children currently experiencing anxiety and depression, a great place to start is – get a good night’s sleep.
If your child appears to be consistently unhappy or out of sorts, a visit to the doctor may be a good starting point.
If that doesn't help, prioritise sleep as the number one factor in maintaining long-term mental health.
Finally…..
Yes, this post is about building your toolbox, so I invite you to take action. I suspect you already practice many of these. If so, that’s great.
Hopefully, there will be something here to challenge you. If so, start with the tool or idea that you feel is most appropriate for your child and the easiest for you to implement and teach.
Whatever you choose, involve your child - invite rather than impose. Introduce in low-stress situations, if possible. Start in low or no-stress situations until they become automatic.
When a tool or strategy is effective, practice it repeatedly until it becomes automatic.
Be ready to experiment. Know when to persist and make sure you have some fun with them.
Parenting Toolbox Weekly Wise Words
“Never regularly do for a child the things a child can do for him or herself. Your job as a parent is to make yourself redundant from the earliest possible age.”
Michael Grose
Validation - a parenting tool for the ages
At a time when the mental health and well-being of children and teenagers are firmly in the spotlight, validation is an essential parenting skill.
When a child or teen comes to you when they are struggling emotionally, they want you to understand their dilemma. Learn how to apply this fascinating tool to your parenting.
A Note for School Leaders and Professionals:
Please feel free to share this newsletter on social media. If you wish to share articles from the Parenting Toolbox with your parent community in your newsletter or other media, please contact me directly.
Feedback is motivating! I’d love to hear your comments (positive or otherwise) about the content in this newsletter. No need to be shy.
Excellent list! As a therapist (I've now shifted gears), I did a lot of parent coaching and anxiety was an ongoing issue to address. Thanks for what you're doing!