Ten facts about fascinating first-borns that every parent (and teacher) should know.
There’s so much to know about fascinating first borns. And every family has one.
Welcome to the Sunday Series and to the nearly 1,000 subscribers who have joined Parenting Toolbox in the last week. This series differs from the regular Parenting Toolbox newsletter articles in that it takes a different, sometimes deeper, look at the world of parenting.
The above image of the draft cover of the Estonian version of my birth order book, (the title is in the article below) arrived in my inbox a few days ago and inspired today’s article.
First-borns may not always rule the world, but with families shrinking, they are now a force to be reckoned with in sheer numbers.
They form over one-third of the population under twenty, and with many families now fitting in with the “one and done” or “two and through” number of children, first-borns are certainly to rule the world, or at least dominate numbers in most classrooms, workplaces, and political circles.
With their propensity in mind, here are ten evidence-backed and observational facts about firstborns that will shape how you parent, teach, and work with this fascinating group.
1. First-borns are groundbreakers.
First-born children are experiments that take parents to new ground at every developmental stage.
The first-born child introduces parents to infancy, early childhood and every other developmental stage.
Every subsequent child in the family should write a letter to their eldest sibling thanking them for breaking their parents in for them.
They also introduce parents to pre-school, primary school, and secondary school and life beyond the education system.
Every subsequent child in a family should thank their eldest sibling for breaking their parents in for them.
2. Being born first brings privileges.
First-born children are born into a privileged position.
Living in the spotlight, they generally get a lot of attention from their parents, grandparents, and a host of other relatives and family friends.
First-borns spend more of their early time around adults and learn more from adults than subsequent children in the family.
Spending more time around parents assists their language development, as the interaction during one-on-one time with a first-born lends itself to high-quality language development.
3. Being born first also brings pressures.
The flipside for first-borns is that they tend to live with pressure. The expectations on firstborns to perform and live up to the family name are immense.
Check out your early family photo album and there’ll be a photo of your first born doing every damn thing. If you have three or more children there’ll barely be a photo of them on their own.
The expectations can be so high that many firstborns, particularly boys, fear making mistakes. They are not the world’s greatest risk-takers when it comes to learning and trying out new things.
4. Eldests are the family conservatives.
First-born children are most likely in a family to follow the dominant employment and lifestyle path shown by parents.
Your eldest child is most likely to follow suit if you’re from a profession such as education, medicine, or finances.
Similarly, if you work with your hands there’s a good chance your eldest will follow suit, particularly if they the same gender as you.
5. First borns are achievement-oriented.
Firstborns work hard to achieve success in whatever path they choose. This reflects their desire for parental approval, which never disappears even in adulthood.
First borns are overrepresented in many lists of leaders including US presidents and corporate business leaders.
This group are typically goal-setters, list-makers and highly organised, which are all behaviours designed to achieve success.
6. First borns are more likely to be conscientious.
Eldest children and young people score higher on conscientiousness than children in any other position in psychological testing.
This trait compliments other first-born characteristics such as reliability, responsibility and dependability.
7. First borns are more anxiety-prone.
Although firstborns may receive greater parental investment than later borns, that doesn’t guarantee them good mental health.
Research conducted for my recent book Anxious Kids, showed that a higher proportion of first-borns experience anxiety at a critical level than children in other birth order positions.
This is no coincidence, as first-borns live with more significant anxiety-inducing parental pressure than children born in other positions.
Their propensity towards conscientiousness also adds to their anxiety.
When you add a propensity for perfectionism, and the achievement-orientation that comes with the territory, children in this birth order position need to work hard to maintain good mental health.
8. First borns are more likely to be introverts.
On the extraversion-introversion scale first-borns generally score higher in introversion than any other birth order position.
The early years play a significant part in shaping this personality preference.
Being the youngest in a family often means that alone time is rare, while the eldest children spend significant time on their own, well into toddlerhood and beyond.
9. Not all eldest children take on first-born traits.
First-born traits such as achievement orientation, responsibility and family conservatism are sometimes seen in second-born children, particularly if that child is of a culturally valued gender.
In my book Why First Borns Rule the World and Last Borns want to Change it I explained how circumstances such as cultural expectations, gender, special needs and illness can impact birth order dynamics.
This is why birth order is not a neat set of numbers.
Every family will has a child who acts like a first-born, even though they may not have been born first.
10. First borns are the rule-keepers and makers.
First-born children value authority more than any other cohort, perhaps because they were born into a position of authority over their siblings.
This group will generally adhere to the rules, routines, and structures of family and school life, which most parents welcome.
They also like to remind their siblings of the rules for everything, which can infuriate younger children.
Understanding birth order matters.
Effective parents work with the differences in children rather than use a “one size fits all” approach.
Understanding how first- borns tick helps parents and teachers adapt their approaches to suit the psychology of this fascinating group.
It also answers that age-old question - “Why are my children so different?”
Like niche marketers, children will play to their strengths and differences to get parental attention. If responsibility is taken up as it so often is by the firstborn, then the second may be a pest or less reliable. At least you know they’re around!
My Birth Order Story.
I’m a cross between an only child and a youngest.
Even though I'm the youngest of four children, there’s such a big gap between me and the next sibling in the chain that I was basically an only child.
Like most youngest kids of my generation I discovered my parents were worn out by the time I came along and were more concerned with raising a tear-away teen, a newly-minted teenage girl and helping out a just married and pregnant daughter.
To say my parents gave me plenty of emotional space is an understatement.
Like many youngest children, I quickly read the situation and realised I really had four parents ( mum, dad, and two elder sibs) whom I could serve.
Manipulative? No.
Spoiled? Yes.
Learned to get what I want? Hell yeah.
Still the same? Hmmmm. Maybe… er.. Yes!😂
Everyone has a birth order story. And they’re all unique.
How has your birth order position impacted your life? What’s your birth order story?
A NOTE to Teachers and principals.
Put Me on Your Parent Support Team in 2025.
I’ve been inundated with requests from educators to share these articles with their parent communities. Now you can!
With a new year approaching, it’s a wonderful way to support your parent communities in 2025. Get your school subscription now.
Loved this list. I’m the eldest and felt myself very validated by this read.