Bringing Global Customs Home for a Happier Family
From Swedish coffee breaks to Irish banter, discover simple rituals that foster deep communication and strengthen family bonds.
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The kitchen table is a parent’s best friend.
You can build a family around it.
It’s where conversations occur. It’s where thoughts are aired, compliments are given, and food is shared.
If you want to get a window into a child’s world, then you need to sit around the kitchen table with him or her.
When I was a kid, my mum always made sure there was some food on the table when I got home from school. As soon as I got through the back door, I’d chuck my school bag in my room and come sit at the kitchen table to eat.
Mum often sat at the kitchen table with a cup of tea. She always did, or at least it seems like she did, because when I think of her, I usually picture her sitting there. These are my special mum memories.
It’s no coincidence that those countries with a strong food culture also have strong families.
When people eat together, they talk. You can’t help but do so when your behind is anchored to a chair.
People attach emotions to locations.
People also attach feelings to different places.
It seems my family links happy, joyous feelings to our kitchen table.
After all, we’ve had plenty of birthdays, Christmases, fantastic dinners, big breakfasts and countless other gatherings around our kitchen table.
Just the thought of the kitchen table makes me feel good.
Our meal table anchors my kids back to their childhoods, fostering their sense of belonging.
It’s the first place they go to when they come home for a visit. They feel at home again.
On my speaking tours to the United Kingdom fifteen to twenty years ago, I learned that one-third of English homes didn’t have dining tables. People ate in shifts and in front of the television.
English educators were concerned. They want parents to talk to their kids more. They knew that when parents talk with their children, they enrich their vocabularies and, even better, influence their thinking.
Around the World in Seven Customs
On recent visits to that part of the world, it seems that shared mealtimes are the norm for families, which is great.
I’ve been fortunate to have travelled a great deal. Work, pleasure and family have taken me to many parts of the world. Wherever I go, there is one constant: different cultures develop their own customs for bringing people and family members together, and getting them talking and connecting.
So I’ve put together seven of my favourite conversation-sparking customs that can transform your family's communication.
Forget forced Q&As; forget “How was school today?” type of conversation starters; and forget “What do you want for dinner tonight?”
These customs are about creating an atmosphere where sharing, listening, and genuine connection flourish.
1. "Fika" – The Swedish Coffee & Conversation Break
I love the Swedish notion of “Fika”. As my son and his family live there, it’s something I’ve experienced firsthand many times.
"Fika" is more than just a coffee break; it's a cherished ritual of slowing down, enjoying a warm drink and a treat, and most importantly, connecting with others.
It’s a deliberate pause in the day for conversation.
How it works
It's about intentional relaxation and connection. No screens, no rushing. Just good company, warmth, and easy conversation.
Applying it to your family
Schedule a daily or weekly "Family Fika." This could be after school with hot chocolate and biscuits, or on a Sunday afternoon with tea and cake. The key is the ritual itself – creating a dedicated, screen-free time to be together and chat.
"Kids, it's 3:30! Fika time!”
2. The Japanese "Kuchi-geiko" (Mouth Practice)
"Kuchi-geiko" literally means mouth practice and often refers to verbal training in martial arts or other disciplines.
It’s also been adapted to conversations and family life. It’s a form of verbal sparring, problem-solving, and exchanging ideas in a safe, supportive environment.
How it works
It’s not about formal debates or arguments, but rather about presenting ideas, discussing scenarios, and articulating thoughts clearly.
Applying it to your family
Introduce "What If" questions during car rides or meal times. "What if we could only eat one color of food for a week?" "What if animals could talk – what would your pet say?"
Alternatively, discuss ethical dilemmas from books or movies: "Was the character right to do that? Why or why not?" This encourages children (and adults) to articulate their reasoning and engage in thoughtful discussion.
This is a great way to engage teenagers who are exploring their own identities, and need a forum to express themselves and test their ideas out.
3. The Italian "Passeggiata" – The Evening Stroll
I spent four months in Italy and learned to love “Passeggiata” - the leisurely evening stroll, often after dinner, where families and friends walk together, greet neighbours, and enjoy each other's company.
I recall a conversation with a local who was stunned that families in my country (Australia) didn’t have a passeggiata. “How do young people meet their partners?” she said.
Good point!
How it works
It’s a relaxed, unstructured time for connection.
The physical activity and change of scenery can often open up conversations that might not happen sitting across a table.
The gentle rhythm of walking side-by-side can be incredibly conducive to deeper chats.
Applying it to your family
Make the "family walk" a regular fixture. It doesn't have to be long or in a picturesque location.
A walk around the block, a walk to the park, or even just wandering in the backyard can become your family's passeggiata. Leave phones at home or in pockets, and just let conversations unfold naturally.
Aside: The side-by-side nature of conversation that occurs during a walk can also be used when driving. Boys, in particular, are more likely to open up when they’re shoulder-to-shoulder with a parent rather than in a face-to-face talk.
4. The Ethiopian Coffee Ceremony – A Ritual of Connection
Africa has some wonderful customs, but my favourite is the Ethiopian coffee ceremony, or "bunna," a cultural ritual that can last for hours.
It involves roasting, grinding, and brewing coffee, all done with great care and shared as a community. It’s a time for gathering, storytelling, and connecting.
How it works
While replicating the full, intricate ceremony might be ambitious, the essence is about creating a deliberate, unhurried ritual around a shared drink or activity, making it a focal point for conversation and togetherness.
Applying it to your family
Create your own simplified "Family Ceremony" around a favourite beverage or snack. This could be a special "Hot Chocolate Ceremony" on a cold evening, where everyone helps prepare it, or a "Smoothie Blending Ceremony" on a weekend morning. It could be “Pancake Sunday” on…..you guessed it….Sunday morning.
The focus isn't just on consuming food, but on the shared process of making and enjoying it together, providing ample time for relaxed conversation.
Let each person take a turn adding an ingredient or stirring, using the quiet moments for reflection and conversation.
5. The "Sisu" of Finland – Resilience through Shared Experience
The next custom is not directly about conversation, but once you get started, you can’t help but talk.
It’s"Sisu"- the Finnish concept of shared, challenging experiences that build character and, crucially, foster deep communication and reliance on one another.
How it works
It's about facing challenges together, whether big or small, and using those moments to bond, problem-solve, and communicate effectively.
Applying it to your family
Take on a "Sisu Challenge" as a family. This doesn't mean climbing Everest (unless you're feeling particularly adventurous!).
It could be planning and executing a complex family meal together, building a challenging LEGO set, completing a complicated puzzle, or volunteering for a community project.
The shared effort, the inevitable bumps along the way, and the ultimate success (or even shared failure!) provide rich opportunities for communication, encouragement, and strengthening family ties.
6. The Greek "Mezedes" – Small Plates, Big Conversations
I was lucky to grow up in a suburb that had a large Greek community, where I learned about"mezedes". These are small dishes of food, similar to Spanish tapas, served to accompany drinks at an afternoon or evening gathering.
As an adult, I experienced “mezedes” on visits to Greece, and the relaxed, extended periods of grazing and chatting.
It was spectacularly good.
The small dishes facilitated social interaction rather than dominating it.
How it works
Instead of a main course, multiple small plates are shared. This encourages a slower pace, passing dishes, and natural breaks in eating that open up space for more conversation. It's informal, communal, and focuses on the shared experience.
Applying it to your family
Introduce "Family Mezedes Night" once a week. Instead of a traditional dinner, prepare a variety of small, easy-to-eat dishes – mini pizzas, cut-up veggies and dips, cheese and crackers, fruit skewers, perhaps some olives or nuts.
Arrange them all on the table and let everyone pick and choose at their leisure. The absence of a single "main event" shifts the focus to lingering, trying different things, and, most importantly, talking.
7. The Irish "Craic" – Good Times and Lively Banter
I’ve saved my favourite til last.
I’ve always been intrigued by the Irish idea of "Craic" (pronounced "crack"), which is an Irish term that covers good fun, lively chat, entertainment, and a generally cheerful vibe.
On my trips to the Emerald Isle, I learned that Craic isn’t a single activity, but an all-encompassing notion of social warmth and engaging banter, often found in pubs but easily brought into the home.
How it works
It's about creating an environment where humour, storytelling, and lighthearted discussion are encouraged. There's an openness to spontaneous conversation and a delight in wordplay and shared laughter.
Applying it to your family
Cultivate a "Craic Corner" or "Craic Time" in your home.
This could be a designated comfy spot where board games are played, stories are told, or where everyone gathers for some lively chat.
Encourage jokes, riddles, sharing funny anecdotes from the day, or even discussing interesting news stories in a relaxed, non-judgmental way. The goal is to generate genuine laughter and engage in back-and-forth banter.
Aside: Families that engage in banter and light-hearted fun are generally able to talk about more serious life topics such as sexuality, alcohol use and death. The use of banter gives parents permission for conversations of a personal nature with kids.
Finally…..
There you go – a global toolkit for supercharging your family conversations!
The beauty of these customs is that they're not rigid rules, but invitations to connect more deeply.
Pick one that resonates with you, adapt it to your family's style, and watch the conversation flow!
Whether it's a quiet stroll, a shared ceremony, or a table laden with small bites, the common thread is intentionality.
You’ve got to make it happen!
Make space, slow down, and create an atmosphere where your family's voices can truly resonate.
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These are wonderful suggestions. Most of the new condo developments here in Toronto, where many families reside, were not built to account for a kitchen table of any size. I’ve often wondered how many conversations and quality family time are lost as a result. Not to mention, we’ve seen how integral “dinner table human capital,” the knowledge parents pass along to their children, can be for long term outcomes and success.